If you have read my previous post, you probably know I have an asthma.
When first reports about coronavirus broke the news in January, I was frightened. Then came reports about its transmission and asymptomatic cases as well as becoming a pandemic, crippling the whole world.
When work resumed after the holiday vacation, I was too anxious. I had been wearing face mask since last year or covering my nose and mouth with handkerchief it it wasn't available, but this time, I wouldn't even remove it until I arrived at my workplace where I could easily get and replace it with a new one. I would also wash and disinfect my hands and things more frequently. This went on from January to March.
I was so scared to get sick. When I got the flu last year, it lasted for two to three weeks because my asthma amplified it and made my cough worse. The current pandemic had the same symptoms and people with asthma were at increased risk. What made it more frightening was the shortness of breath symptom, which was one of the struggles of asthmatic patients.
Thoughts like, "What if this isn't just asthma? What if . . ." would invade my mind. Sometimes, those thoughts would trigger an attack and that would be a nightmare.
Then the lockdown happened. Despite being at home, the anxiety was still stressing me out. I would wash my hands for several times, pour alcohol and wouldn't even interact for a long time with anyone. Whenever I feel a slight discomfort in my throat or a difficulty in breathing, I would have a lot of doubts and bad thoughts.
I never left our house for three months because of the stress and anxiety of this pandemic. And the government's response to this added more stress. I wanted to stay informed but most of the times, I had to step away from social media because I get so overwhelmed to the point that I couldn't sleep at all.
Now, it's June and last week, I started working again. For the first time, I had to leave the house. It was so frightening that I had to calm myself through breathing exercises. I would double or triple my masks and would disinfect with alcohol and hand sanitizer every several minutes.
In this time of pandemic, being an immunocompromised and severely anxious person was such a difficult situation to be into. Because the risk of complications is higher for us and it's mentally draining. And because our lives rely not only on our actions, but also on other people's actions and precautions.
I just hope we could get through this nightmare.
I could still remember the times you held me in your arms, fed me, and took care of me until your body couldn't handle anything anymore.
I could still remember how our frightened faces looked when you were brought to the hospital. It was a long and arduous battle. Something only a strong woman like you could handle. The doctors said you were fighting. That you had a chance. That you wanted to live. But no matter how much we wish for something to come true, sometimes, it isn't just meant to happen.
My mother would always say I should take care of my health because I have a weak immune system. In addition, I have an asthma which always complicates my condition. That's why when I get sick, it would usually take me a longer time to recover.
I got sick at the start of the month to the point that my health deteriorated rapidly. It took a toll on my physical and mental state and everyday seemed like it would be the last. It started with a simple flu but my asthma got in the way. I had a fever and cold for two weeks but what scared me the most was not being able to breathe.