Chapter 38

Hindi ako mapakali habang naghihintay sa bahay. Nasa kamay ko lang ang phone ko at nagbabakasakaling tumawag ang isa kina Dad o Kevin pero halos isang oras na akong naghihintay at wala pa ring nangyayari. When Dad said Kevin was in the company building, the first thing I thought was that he’d apologize. Pero iba rin talaga ang nagagawa ng overthinking dahil ang dami ko nang naiisip na pwedeng mangyari kapag nagkita sila.
 
I was pacing back and forth in the living room when my phone lit up. Natataranta kong binuksan ‘yon at bumungad sa akin ang message ni Dad.
 
Café de Legere. Now.
 
Pagkabasa ko no’n ay nagmadali akong magbihis. Ilang minuto pa ay dumating na ang na-book kong sasakyan at agad akong sumakay roon. Ten minutes away ang café na ‘yon mula sa subdivision at walking distance naman mula sa company building nina Dad.
 
Napatingin ulit ako sa phone ko pero walang kahit anong message mula kay Kevin kaya lalo akong kinabahan. My god, ano kayang pinag-uusapan ng dalawang ‘yon? Hala, paano kung lalong lumala ang sitwasyon? Pareho pa namang mataas ang pride ng dalawang ‘yon at pakiramdam ko ay sobrang taas ng tension kapag pumunta ako kung nasaan sila.
 
After several minutes, I arrived in front of the café but I just stood outside, scared of what could happen. Ilang malalim na paghinga rin ang nagawa ko bago ako magkaroon ng lakas ng loob na pumasok.
 
Even though they were on a corner, my eyes easily spotted them but I halted when I saw Dad smiling warmly and based on Kevin’s body movement, it seemed like he was chuckling. Teka, tama ba ang nakikita o nagha-hallucinate lang ako?
 
Dad’s eyes met mine and I flinched when he gestured me to come closer.
 
Huwag kang lumingon. Huwag kang lumingon, I chanted as I stared at Kevin’s back pero kung kalian malapit na ako ay saka siya tumingin sa direksyon ko. He looked straight into my eyes and flashed a heart-fluttering smile.
 
Napaiwas agad ako ng tingin at umupo sa tabi ni Dad. Kainis, akala ko kahit papaano ay mababawasan ang effectiveness no’n sa akin. Bakit parang lalong lumala? Muntik ko na siyang mapatawad sa lahat ng ginawa niya. Napainom tuloy ako bigla ng tubig.
 
“He said he’s courting you again.”
 
Muntik ko nang maibuga ang tubig na iniinom ko nang sabihin ‘yon ni Dad at tuluyan na akong nasamid nang makita ko ang nakakalokong pagngiti ni Kevin.
 
“Are you okay, Alisson?” Dad asked as if he wasn’t the reason for that.
“I’m just about to tell her that, Sir,” dagdag ni Kevin at hindi ko alam kung bakit ako lang ang nahihiya at gustong lumubog sa lupa ngayon din.
“Oh, I see.”
 
Oh my god, bakit parang close na sila?! What happened between them?! Anong pinag-usapan nila habang wala ako?
 
“I should go,” Dad said and he stood up right after. “I have a meeting in ten minutes.”
“Wait, Dad—!”
“I’ll leave her to you,” sabay tingin niya kay Kevin nang seryoso at tumango naman si Kevin. “Alisson, umuwi ka nang maaga.”
 
After that ay naglakad na siya palabas ng café at naiwan kaming dalawa ni Kevin kaya lalo akong kinabahan.
 
“May order ka na ba?” tanong ni Kevin.
“Ah, I . . . I’ll order—”
“Ako na.”
 
Pinigilan niya akong tumayo. He insisted on taking my order so I told him what I want. Pinanood ko lang siya habang naglalakad siya papunta sa counter. I still couldn’t believe that we were talking again. Ilang weeks din ang nagdaan na wala kaming kahit anong form of communication, tapos biglang pagbalik namin ng campus ay may gano’n siyang pakulo. Ako naman, ang daling mahulog sa mga patibong niya. Minsan, nakakainis na rin ‘pag ikaw ang na-fall nang sobra, eh.
 
Pagbalik niya ay nagpanggap akong may ka-text kahit na bino-bombard ko lang ang chatbox naming apat ng emojis. Badtrip, bakit ba hindi online ang mga ‘to kung kailan ko sila kailangan?!
 
“Sorry kung napilitan ka pang pumunta rito,” sabi niya kaya napatingin ako sa kanya.
“No, it’s uhm . . . ah . . .” I heaved a sigh. “Well, I just want to know kung paano kayo nagkaayos ni Dad. I mean, after what happened last year, it’s kind of . . . I don’t know what I’m saying anymore.”
 
He chuckled. Shet, he looks more attractive when laughing.
 
“Everything was my fault and I did what I had to do. I apologized,” he said. “It has been long overdue and I knew I was disrespectful to him that night.”
“And? He just accepted it?”
Ngumiti na naman siya. “Yes, under one condition.”
“What is it?”
“That is just between the two of us.”
“Ang duga!” I complained but I immediately shut up when he leaned and his face came close to mine.
“Do you want to go for a walk?”
 
Ilang segundo rin akong nakatulala lang sa kanya pero nang ngumiti siya ulit ay napasagot ako ng oo. Being with him in this confined space was too much to handle. I needed to breathe.
 
Tumayo kami at lumabas habang hawak ang mga kape naming. Dahil may malapit na park dito ay doon na kami dumiretso. Medyo kaunti ang tao kaya peaceful sa pakiramdam at dahil medyo maggagabi na ay malamig din ang simoy ng hangin. Ang sarap tuloy lalong magkape.
 
“Won’t you ask about Mom?” bigla niyang tanong kaya napatingin ako sa kanya. He was sipping from his paper cup while looking ahead but I could see his ears burning. Ang cute.
“No. It’s a sensitive topic for you,” I replied. “Pero kung willing kang mag-share, makikinig ako.”
 
Oh, well. Curious din naman ako sa kung ano na ang nangyari sa kanilang dalawa after that incident.
 
“Hmm. Nakapag-usap na kami,” he said. “I realized how selfish and immature I was and how I turned a blind eye to her reasons and feelings. Dad and Karla had already moved on yet I was still living in the past, hurting myself and everyone around me in the process.”
 
Napangiti na lang ako habang nagkukwento siya. Nakakatuwa na nakita ko kung paano siya magbago. I remembered him being bitter and hurt because of her mother but I could see his sincerity and warmth while talking about her now.
 
“Mom is happy now and that’s all that matters,” he added but his eyes still yearned for her.
“She’s still your mother, you know?” sabi ko naman kaya napatingin siya sa akin. “I mean, kahit may ibang pamilya na siya, she still cherishes you and Karla because you are her children. You are a part of her.”
 
Napahinto naman siya bigla sa paglalakad. He sighed and for a moment, I was scared because I thought I overstepped our boundaries again. But I was surprised when he let out a chuckle.
 
“You’re really something,” he muttered.
“H-huh?”
 
Was he annoyed? Was that a compliment? Or maybe he was sarcastic? Sabi ko nga, dapat hindi na lang ako nagsalita, eh. Hay, Alice!
 
Nagsimula naman ulit siyang maglakad at tahimik akong sumunod. Hindi ko na makita ang expression niya dahil nauuna na siyang maglakad. I slapped myself for talking too much about a delicate subject and how I ruined our possible reconnection.
 
“Thank you.”
 
This time, ako naman ang napahinto nang marinig ko ‘yon mula sa kanya. Ni hindi ko man lang napansin na tumalikod siya at ngayon ay magkaharap na kami.
 
“I’ve said this a couple of times last year but really, thank you for bringing out the best in me,” he professed and I felt the blood rushing into my cheeks. My god, paano niya kinakayang sabihin ‘to nang hindi man lang nahihiya? Dahil ba sanay na siya sa confessions?
 
My reaction? Napainom lang ako sa kapeng hawak ko at napaso pa ang labi ko dahil mainit pa rin pala ‘yon. Ano na, puro kahihiyan na lang ba ang mararamdaman ko ngayon?!
 
“I am used to superficial attraction,” he continued. “Dala na rin siguro ng pagiging Campus Prince. We get the attention of almost everyone in the campus and they like us for our image but only a few can see our real selves. I don’t believe in love and commitment at first because of what had happened to my family but I never knew that my views would change after meeting and knowing you.”
 
Hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat kong -react. I was speechless. His words moved me and I wanted to hear him say them again. Hindi ko akalaing maririnig ko ‘yon mula mismo sa kanya. Hindi ko akalaing ganito ang tingin sa akin ng isang Kevin Fuentez.
 
“You made me feel special. You made me better. And I will be forever grateful for that.”
“I . . . I don’t know what to say,” I confessed.
 
Masyado akong na-overwhelm at kaunti na lang ay maiiyak na ako dahil sa mga salita niya. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, hindi ako bibigay agad pero iba talaga ang epekto niya sa akin lalo na ngayon. Totoo nga ang sinabi niya noong nakaraan. He wasn’t teasing me anymore. He was serious.
 
“It’s okay. I’m not waiting for a reply. I just want to say what I feel.”
 
Pakiramdam ko sasabog na ang dibdib ko sa sobrang bilis at lakas ng tibok ng puso ko. Kainis ‘tong Kevin na ‘to, wala man lang kahit anong preno. Sinasabi niya talaga lahat ng gusto niyang sabihin kahit na pwedeng ikamatay ng kasama niya ang mga ‘yon. Respeto naman sa feelings at buhay ng may gusto sa’yo, ano?
 
Naging tahimik kami after that at umupo kami sa isa sa benches na nandoon sa gilid ng park. Pagtingin ko sa langit ay namangha na lang ako sa kulay nito.
 
“Ang ganda,” I muttered while looking at the pastel colors painting the sky.
“Sobra,” Kevin added but I tensed when I saw in my peripheral vision that he was staring at me.
 
My god, hindi pa ba siya tapos sa pagpapahirap sa akin?!
 
“Alice?” he called.
“H-hmm?”
Nanatili akong nakatingin sa langit dahil pakiramdam ko ay manghihina ako kung titingnan ko siya pero nagulat ako nang maramdaman ko siyang sumandal sa balikat ko.
 
“I’m falling . . .” he muttered and my heart throbbed loudly against my chest.
“W-what . . .”
“Deeper and deeper. It’s terrifying, but I don’t think I can stop myself anymore.” The next thing I knew, his hand was already holding mine. “No,” he sighed. “I already fell.”
 
I was holding my breath for a few seconds and I was getting conscious because he might hear my racing heart. Maaga akong mamamatay dahil sa lalaking ‘to. Hindi na kaya ng puso ko, utang na loob.
 
“Alice?” he called again. “Will you fall for me, too?”
 
Stupid, I wanted to say but I chose to stay silent. I already fell the first time I saw you.

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