Entry 2

March 17, 2017

I was given medicines that could alleviate the symptoms and could maintain my mental functions. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko pa rin matanggap. Ayaw ko pa ring tanggapin.

I would probably be fired at work because I wouldn't be fit to be there anymore but I'd rather resign. Ang lala pa naman ng stigma sa mental illnesses dito sa Pilipinas. Well, technically, AD is not a mental illness but a brain disorder but people won't care about that. If I said I have an AD, they would probably not believe it because I'm still "young".

Naiiyak na naman ako. Kahit nararamdaman ko naman ang suporta ng pamilya ko, pakiramdam ko, mag-isa pa rin ako.

Hindi ko rin alam kung paano sasabihin sa mga kaibigan ko. O baka hindi na lang. I don't want to burden them. I don't want to burden anyone.

Ang dami ko pang pangarap sa buhay, eh. I wanted to give my parents a new house. I wanted to have one, too. I wanted to travel. I wanted to fall in love. But all of those dreams were shattered because of this.

I have read about early onset AD and upon diagnosis, patients are expected to live only for 8-10 years, but some were even as short as two years.

Nakakatawa kasi lagi kong sinasabi na, "mamamatay rin naman tayong lahat" pero sa totoo lang, ayaw ko pang mamatay.

Ayaw ko pang makalimot.

Ayaw ko pang makalimutan.

Ayaw ko pang mawala sa mundo.

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